Friday, April 6, 2012

Almost Losing a Child; an Easter Reflection

"Kayla's Longing"  12x16  Watercolor  ©Toni Ruppert
Hello Dear Reader,

Last week I almost lost my artistic muse of 18 years.  My daughter, Kayla, was in a car accident in which the car was totaled.  I call her my muse because in addition to being a gift from God, she has truly been my inspiration and creative stimulus.

As an artist, I sit and reflect on Kayla as my creative muse.   I realize that many times, I’ve taken her for granted.  I’ve been on “artsy - auto - pilot” many times.

Kayla has posed for me and I’ve drawn and painted her through out the years. “Stay there!” I shout as I run to get my camera. “Hold that pose please,” I plead as I rush to get my pastels.  From the time she was a wee one, I’ve practiced my artistry with her. 

"Best Friends II"  12x16  Watercolor   ©Toni Ruppert

The Night it Almost Changed

As a Mom, I sit here and reflect on my daughter’s accident.  I came upon the night scene with flashing lights, police and my little car off to the side at a weird angle.  The car was on the opposite side of the road, turned backwards.

After being directed to park across the road, I made my way back to find her.  I hugged her and commenced the serious work of being a Mom to a teen who has experienced a car accident. 

Later, as my husband and I went to retrieve our belongings from the tow company, I saw the wreck in daylight.  A machine. Smashed, crushed and destroyed.  My daughter and her two friends walked away unscathed.

I praise God for his infinite mercy in this matter.  It could have been much worse.  I can not imagine a parent losing their child in this way.  As I said, my child has been my inspiration for close to 20 years:



"Dreaming of Innocence"  24x36  Acrylic  ©Toni Ruppert



"Kayla Sleeping"  12x16   Charcoal  ©Toni Ruppert



"Kayla Sleeping"  18x24  Mixed Media  ©Toni Ruppert 


"Kayla Posing for Me"  9x12  Pastel  ©Toni Ruppert

"Angel of Glory"  9x12  Watercolor ©Toni Ruppert



"Longing II"  12x16  Watercolor  ©Toni Ruppert



"Dreaming of Innocence"  24x48   Acrylic  ©Toni Ruppert



"Deliverance" 9x12  Acrylic  ©Toni Ruppert

Contemplating Easter

As last week fades more and more into the back ground, I reflect on Kayla...my art...and the Easter message of love.


Mary's son Jesus was crushed and it was no accident.

Isaiah 53:5
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Author and pastor Frederica Mathewes-Green offers her thoughts about Christ's crucifixion in her post, "Viewing the Crucifixion in a Different Light." 

 God did not spare his child.  I am a Mom and I cannot fathom the deep power of this kind of love.

 My friend, illustrator Gail Green said it best in her Facebook comment to me on my Facebook Page "...the message of Death and Resurrection is all the more poignant when we contemplate the deep pain of losing a child."

It is something to reflect on.

1 comment:

Denise Bellon West said...

Hi Toni! OMG, this is pretty scary stuff. So happy that your story had a happy ending. My daughter has always been my constant muse and model as she was growing up, too. I was just noticing yesterday that the paintings I have chosen to rehang in our new home in Arizona are paintings of her! So I understand the special feelings that are so deeply embedded in these heartfelt works.
Because of our closeness, I can even forgive the photographer at her wedding for not getting a picture of the 2 of us together! God bless.